Do not go gentle into that good night: The truth about bedtime
Instructor: Nina Boulay, certified Pain-in-the-Ass.
Course Objective: To learn the basic skills to deal with the horror and pain of bedtime.
**Advanced learners will also learn how to delay bedtime, sometimes even late enough to outlast your caregiver!
Unit 1 – Introduction: Do you know where your parents are? Watching TV, eating popcorn and playing with your toys, that’s where.
Unit 2 – Don’t wear pyjamas when you can wear a costume instead.
Unit 3 – Ensuring that your water is not too warm or too cold, and that the cup is the right colour.
Unit 4 – The grown-ups are lying – crying will get you everything.
Unit 5 – The threat of pee.
Unit 6 – Lullabies are tools for mind-control. Don’t be a victim.
Unit 7 – What’s that sound?
Unit 8 – Books. Bet you can’t read them just once?
Unit 9 – You don’t need to know where you’re going in order to run away.
Required reading: Goodnight Moon, The Runaway Bunny, your mom’s Twitter account as she plays with her phone in bed.
Marking scheme: The instructor cannot write, so there will be no grades. Anyone who is able to outlast their caregiver will get M&Ms, if there are any left. Otherwise, Cheerios.